Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Cycling vs. Politics

Cycling: I need to get my butt back on the bike - literally. This winter I'm taking spin classes to make up for a lack of evening rides. It's not the perfect replacement for the real thing, but it's fine while I build my endurance back. It will be daylight after 5:30pm before we know it!

Politics: Wow, this year is off to a politically-intense start. In just a few short weeks we've seen a major European debt crisis, Republicans fighting it out in the caucuses, Susan G. Komen vs. Planned Parenthood, One Million Moms vs. Ellen DeGeneres, and just yesterday, Proposition 8 was overturned in a federal court.

I like to be aware of politics, but I'd much rather focus on riding. Riding is less stressful. So, let's speculate here just for fun! If political entities went up against each other in a bicycle road race, who would win?

Debt-ridden European countries
Italy. Italians are famous for road bikes, including Bianchi. Italy has a lot of hills and their diet includes a lot of pastas. Carbo load!

Although tea is a nice, zero-calorie drink, Santorum needs to drink a few more electrolytes during his ride, or he's going to loose steam. Newt would get pulled by race officials for doping, and Paul would get pulled from the race for refusing to wear a helmet. I'm going for Romney only because he might be the most physically fit. I wonder if President Obama has a road bike? Hmmmm. . .

Susan G. Komen Foundation vs. Planned Parenthood
SGK Foundation would win because they have more money for bikes and gear, and they don't share with just anyone.

One Million Moms vs. Ellen Degeneres
Have you seen how fit Ellen is? Come on, she would wear them down with humor, then sprint to the finish.

Prop 8 Supporters vs. Gay Community
I'm not sure who would win the road race, but the gay community would surely throw a much more awesome bike party than the Prop 8 supporters. The Gay Bike Party would be awesome! Everyone, including straight folks, would be included in the celebration and there would be assorted colors of bikes (and spandex), glow sticks, fun flashing bike lights, and streamers. The Prop 8 supporters would complain that bikes are ruining the sanctity of transportation. What is the definition of "vehicle" anyway?


  1. Oh, man! I forgot about SOPA. Well that race didn't even start. They closed down a couple of roads, but the blocks were soon lifted.

  2. I about fell out of my chair laughing when you said Ron Paul would be disqualified for not wearing a helmet. Brilliantly true!

    As for the LGBT Community versus the Prop 8 Supporters, I would have to go with the LGBT folks, hands down. Ever been in a gay gym? Those folks take their fitness pretty seriously. Besides, the Prop 8 supporters would probably miss the start anyway, as they would be too busy complaining about something that doesn't effect them, or anyone else, at all. Who knows what, but they'll think of something.