Sources tell us that current President Barack Obama (D) and Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney, are not opponents, but are actually zombies in a conspiracy to take over the United States as members of the living dead.
The recent attacks from the Obama campaign regarding Romney’s refusal to share his income tax returns are an attempt to confuse voters into thinking that Romney is untrustworthy. Obama’s team knows that Romney has not shown proof of his taxes because he has not paid taxes ever – because he is dead. On the other side, Romney’s public attacks on Affordable Health Care Act are also falsified. The Romney campaign is well aware that the United States will not need the Obamacare because all American citizens will be dead. Sources claim that Obama’s birth certificate was falsified, as were all of the stories of his life. His actual birth date was August 28th, 1852.
According to study, 90% of gamers would support an Ozomney ticket. Gamer John ‘Jugular’ Johnson of Chicago, Illinois says, “I feel that the United States needs a change of leadership. The Republicans and Democrats have messed this country up, man. The experience the living dead have on issues of the economy and foreign relations would be invaluable. Dude, I heard that Romney is over 100 years old. He has a ton of experience.” Sally ‘the Murderous Bride’ Smith from Salt Lake City, Utah states, “Obama’s community organization experience could really bind the living dead of this country together. They deserve a vote too.”
One characteristic of zombies is that they all like to eat faces and brains. Obama was recently observed and photographed eating a hot dog, while Romney was eating a hamburger. Both hot dogs and hamburgers are made of bi-products from faces and brains of animals, which leads sources to believe that either would have no problem eating the face or brain of other animals, including humans. Their targets would be those humans who believe everything they read from unreliable sources, jump to stupid conclusions, or believe Photoshop photos from the Facebook.
Joey Chestnut, the world's hot dog eating champion, ate 68 hot dogs during a July 4th contest. Can you believe they would let this zombie do such a think on American Independence Day? It's so un-American!
The Ozomney Apocalypse is near.
Sources: Ad Hominem, Appeal to Fear, Appeal to Belief, Biased Sample and Two Wrongs Make a Right. (Philosophy 101, Fallacies)